Tired

I'd been planning to call up the junior high girls and invite them over to hang out this afternoon. It looked like a perfect arrangement. Diamante was going to be gone with other friends and I had nothing else scheduled between church and the Servant Partners new staff welcome dinner in Pomona this evening. Some friends were going to be playing ultimate Frisbee and I was seriously tempted to join them, but I thought that I should put the girls first. My goal for the summer was to do something with them at least once a week and that has certainly not taken place, so here was a free afternoon and I intended to spend it with them.

But then we left church late after talking to the folks visiting from Thailand and by the time I'd gotten home, eaten lunch, and said bye to Dia, it was already 2:30 pm. And I felt tired. So tired. I sat there and wrestled with whether or not I had enough energy to call up the girls, go pick them all up, and host them at my place--and with whether it mattered that I was tired or if this was one of those "die to oneself" moments for the good of someone else. I decided not to make a clear decision (thereby making one of those decisions that becomes a "no" in the absence of any concrete action) and zoned out by checking on several blogs I read. Then I came across Erika Haub's blogpost on the need for persistence in continuing to extend oneself in blessing others. Oooh. I was convicted. I picked up my cell phone, decided who I was calling first, and hit the dial button. While I was on the phone with her, however, the weight of my weariness hit me and I just couldn't convince myself to instigate a get-together. Instead, I told her the details of the trip to Six Flags that Dia and I are planning for the girls this coming Saturday, and asked her to find out from her parents if she could go. I called the other girls to give them a head's up about the trip as well, and told them I was looking forward to getting together with them soon.

I still can't decide if I should have invited them all over anyway, or if it's ok to recognize that I'm tired and to choose to give myself a break. Probably this is one of those things that isn't an absolute for all times, but depends on the situation. Which is why I am so grateful for grace, that covers over the multitudes of mistakes I make in misinterpreting or failing to follow through with the best decision.

So here I am, trying to figure out what I can drink that will keep me awake for the dinner this evening and the driving to and from. Or perhaps I shall just curl up on this couch and take a nap.