Last night was one of the best and worst times with the junior high girls I've had yet. If you want to hear about the crazy things that God did at the end of our study, email me or call me and I'd love to share! I'm in awe of the way God answers our prayers, but I don't want to freak anyone out, so yes, let me know separately if you want to hear about it. Suffice to say, it was cool!
On the worst side, as I was driving a couple of the girls home after they'd spent an extra 1 1/2 hours after Bible study at their friend's house, they told me that they had lied to me about having called their parents for permission and that they felt terrible about not being honest with me. This was distressing, particularly because I felt like now I'd broken trust with their parents because they thought I was the one keeping the girls out so late. I said: "thank you for telling me the truth. I really appreciate it. But I'm really disappointed that you would do that." Then I explained that if they did that, then their parents wouldn't trust me and then we couldn't hang out any more or go places like the overnight retreat we have coming up. I asked if they'd tell their parents the truth about what happened and they said no. To which I didn't really know what to do. I finally said, "well I can't make you tell the truth, but honesty is always the best way to go." Lame, I know. It was a rather silent car ride. As I dropped them off, I told them to at least apologize to their parents for me for getting home so late, and that I don't mind driving them home in the future but that their parents absolutely have to know where they are. I thought afterwards that perhaps I should have walked them into their houses and made them explain the truth to their parents in Spanish, but I didn't think of it at the time.
The whole drive home I agonized over how strict I should have been and how I'd responded to the situation. I didn't want to freak out on the girls because I appreciated that they'd confessed the lie on their own. But I also know it's important for their own growth and development to have boundaries and consequences to bump up against. And I think sometimes I err too much on grace and not enough on consequences. I'd appreciate any wise thoughts on pre-teens, lying, or consequences from any of you who work with youth or have raised kids of your own!
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
1 comment:
I will not second guess your handling of the specific event--who knows what I would have done.
I would try to establish direct communication with the parents. Kids are just too unreliable and lack much perspective on what adults deem as important to be dependable communication conduits.
Post a Comment