Ran into a friend today and we were having a good conversation until it turned to matters of the future, and he asked me if I would be willing to give up my plans and dreams in order to "follow my husband."
Umm, the short answer is no.
Willing to compromise? Yes! Willing to work together to figure out how we can both pursue our dreams and live out the giftings that God has given us? Yes! Willing to go through periods where one of us makes accomodations or sacrifices in order to partner with and support a conviction or calling that God has given the other person, or through a time of pain and/or healing in their life? Yes!
But am I willing to put aside all my hopes, my convictions, my sense of calling and direction, and arbitrarily submerge them and follow someone else around like a sheep for the rest of my life because I get married? No way. Something inside me would die.
I've run into this many many times in my life and I'm sure I will run into many more times in the future, but it is painful each time I open up my heart and share my hopes for the future, and someone shuts it down with: "but are you going to be willing to follow your husband?" Personally, I believe that view is based on a mis-reading of Scripture--I know some others will disagree with me, but I'm just working off of the best understanding I have come to after nine years of thinking about and studying gender and women in the Bible.
God chose to create me as a person of passion, conviction, and dreams, and I don't see why my gender should mean that I can't seek to live out the dreams that God Himself has chosen to write in me. I am committed to following Jesus, and His direction in my life is the one that over-rides all else.
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5 comments:
I find it interesting that no one ever asked me this question when I was a young woman. I would not have been willing to disregard the call of Jesus in order to follow a mere man, which is why I wouldn't marry one who didn't share the call to overseas ministry. But I wonder what it says about the church that you get asked this question, whereas I didn't. I find it a bit disturbing.
"God chose to create me as a person of passion, conviction, and dreams, and I don't see why my gender should mean that I can't seek to live out the dreams that God Himself has chosen to write in me. I am committed to following Jesus, and His direction in my life is the one that over-rides all else."
Amen
This is what I've learned from you and admire about you! I learned more about this subject this past summer. It says in Genesis that it was a curse that man should have dominion over women. I want to believe the implications that God intended for there to be no hierarchy.
Jenny: You bring up a Very good question/topic, one which "Christian Women Clients" struggle&wrestle with, are hurt& oppressed by and then eventually end up in my office after years of dying to their own call(s), having followed their husbands calls either because that was culturally expected,expected by their immediate family or they had become so enmeshed and co-dependent, they talked themselves into believing that by following their husband, that was indeed, the "higher" calling.(I will continue this but am exhausted as it is almost 1am!) I love your blog,and was greatly affected by your Resurrection writing/Poem, Thank you!
Thank you, everyone, for sharing your responses and something of your own interactions with this issue. Kate, I'm glad that the poem was meaningful for you. :)
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