Check out this awesome video of the Servant Partners team that works in the slums in Bangkok, Thailand. These are some of the folks that I visited after leading the Global Urban Trek with InterVarsity this summer, and they are wonderful people. Maybe some day I will be there too. :)

*Edit* I have now posted the video as a link instead of directly in this post. To see it, click here.

Who do you follow?

Ran into a friend today and we were having a good conversation until it turned to matters of the future, and he asked me if I would be willing to give up my plans and dreams in order to "follow my husband."

Umm, the short answer is no.

Willing to compromise? Yes! Willing to work together to figure out how we can both pursue our dreams and live out the giftings that God has given us? Yes! Willing to go through periods where one of us makes accomodations or sacrifices in order to partner with and support a conviction or calling that God has given the other person, or through a time of pain and/or healing in their life? Yes!

But am I willing to put aside all my hopes, my convictions, my sense of calling and direction, and arbitrarily submerge them and follow someone else around like a sheep for the rest of my life because I get married? No way. Something inside me would die.

I've run into this many many times in my life and I'm sure I will run into many more times in the future, but it is painful each time I open up my heart and share my hopes for the future, and someone shuts it down with: "but are you going to be willing to follow your husband?" Personally, I believe that view is based on a mis-reading of Scripture--I know some others will disagree with me, but I'm just working off of the best understanding I have come to after nine years of thinking about and studying gender and women in the Bible.

God chose to create me as a person of passion, conviction, and dreams, and I don't see why my gender should mean that I can't seek to live out the dreams that God Himself has chosen to write in me. I am committed to following Jesus, and His direction in my life is the one that over-rides all else.

God With Us

As I have been reading the Christmas story out of Matt 1, I am astounded at what it must have been like for Mary to go through those experiences and to find herself pregnant through the Holy Spirit. Even if I had responded as well to the angel's announcement as Mary did, if it was me, I can just imagine the fear and uncertainty that would run havoc in my mind as the pregnancy started to show. "What now? This is the end of life as I know it. I can never recover from what other people will think of me. I can't escape this situation or its effects for the rest of my life." I think I would have been angry at God, feeling like the life I had planned on was falling apart around me. (maybe there's a good reason God didn't pick me to be Mary!!)

As I come to the Christmas story this season, like all of us I read through the lens of the season I am in, a season where I have been asking God, "Will you lead me into situations where I feel like all my dreams are destroyed? I have committed myself to following you but some days I am terrified of the possible costs."

Yet even in the midst of my fear, I can't help but see and acknowledge the ways that God then proceeds to provide for Mary what she needs. He sends an angel to Joseph instructing him to still take her as his wife, thus ensuring that Mary will be taken care of financially and that she won't face the scorn of the town or the struggles of raising a baby on her own. The book of Luke tells about the sign that God gave Mary to reassure her through her cousin Elizabeth's pregnancy, and the companionship and encouragement that he provided her through her cousin.

Left to myself, I question if God will provide me what I need to survive the dark times--but this story tells me that he will. He is. Even if I don't recognize it in the moment.

Most encouraging, Matthew tells us that Jesus is Immanuel, "God with us." God with us in the midst of questioning. God with us in the midst of suffering. God with us in the midst of the darkness in ourselves and in the world.

Another Hidden Cost of Poverty

Apparently my recent move into a house one main street south of my old apartment has put me into a new zipcode, which just made my car insurance go up. :( Personally, I think my new street is negligably more or less safe than the old one. I suppose I should count my blessings--I remember talking to friends who said their car insurance soared when they moved into South LA. From an insurer's standpoint, it makes sense to assume there is a higher risk factor in areas with more accidents, or more vandalism, or other problems. But from the customer's standpoint, I personally am annoyed that moving from one zip code to the one next door can increase my cost. It's just another example of how it is more expensive to be poor (how ironic is it that wealthy individuals living in "better" areas are charged less than poor folks in my neighborhood for car insurance?).

CNN on homelessness and social media

My friend made it onto the front page of CNN! Here's the article about him (he does great work). http://www.cnn.com/2009/TECH/12/01/horvath.homeless.website/index.html

After a Long Silence

It's been a long time since I have written a post--or even thought about my blog! Since the last time I wrote, I've spent two months in Thailand, changed addresses and roommates for the third time in 6 months, changed job positions, killed a cockroach in my sleep, and had a host of other adventures that I shalln't share here. ;)

My internship with Servant Partners is over but I will be sticking around Pasadena for the time being and continuing to volunteer with Northwest Neighbors, which means living in a low income neighborhood in NW Pasadena and coleading a Bible study for junior high and high school girls from the neighborhood. I am excited to see what God has for the girls and for us in this coming year.

This week we studied the story of Jonah, who runs away from God, gets thrown overboard in a storm, and then God sends a fish to swallow him and spit him up. We talked about second chances and is it fair when God pursues and redeems "bad" people. As I was driving two of the girls home that night, we passed a police car busting someone on their street. The girls immediately told me that we needed to pray and proceeded to do so, instructing me to keep my eyes open since I was driving! After we prayed that the policeman would do his job right, that the judge would make a wise decision, and that the person being arrested would meet God in the middle of his troubles, decide to change, and have a second chance, one of the girls turned to me wide-eyed and said, "It's just like we read in Bible study! For him to have a second chance!"

Some of the best moments of my whole life are moments like that, when I see people encounter the gospel incarnate, made live in the daily moments of their existance. It's what makes everything else worthwhile--the roaches, the cross-cultural awkwardness, the hours of preparation, the struggles over discipline and boundaries. All made more than worth it for a single moment of witnessing another person encountering God in the midst of darkness.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Random quotable moments from study so far this year...
"He's so skinny! He looks like Jesus!"
"I want to raise my kids like white people do." (what this means I have no idea!)
"And God said to it, 'Vomit him!'"

lol. I love junior highers and high schoolers!

Out of the Mouths of Kids

As I was taking two of the junior high girls home last night...
"Jenny, you drive fast. But not as fast as Hilary!" (as my coleader zooms by us)
Oops! So much for being driving role models! Kids notice the littlest things. :P

Commitment

Some days I am beginning to wonder if grown-up life is all about commitments. I committed to a collage for four years. Then I committed to the Servant Partners internship for two years. Now that the internship is coming to an end, and I am looking at other organizations that I might want to work with overseas, they all seem to require some kind of 2-5 year commitment. I'm currently thinking about a rooming situation with someone that would require committing to staying in Pasadena a year. And marriage and kids, both future hopes, are both lifelong commitments.

I am feeling a little commitment-phobic coming out of the internship. Maybe it's because I like to be sure when I commit to something, especially when it involves multiple years of my life. And I feel like there are so many pieces of my life and what I want that I don't have clarity about right now. Is it ok to have stages in one's adult life with minimal commitments and a lot of freedom to explore? Or is adulthood just a series of transitions from one commitment to another?

Should I take some time and space to be uncommitted, or is that simply creating dead space in my life and refusing to engage with reality? Am I simply burned out from the internship or is this the emergence of some kind of latent third culture kid issue about being unable to be decisive, commit, and settle down for fear of whatever other options may be closed off by doing so? Sigh.

Work Status

I have been reflecting lately on the issue of status in the workplace. It really bothers me when people call me a "receptionist," or talk down to me, or insist that I get another staff member for them to talk with instead of me. "I'm the Intake Case Manager," I emphasize, when someone calls me the receptionist. Even our Exec Director introduced me to a possible funder today as "the person who answers the phones." :(

But what these little trigger spots have done for me is to open my eyes up to how much my status at work matters to me. I know that the corporate world would probably say to brand oneself as positively and as importantly as possible, in order to advance one's career and one's own interests. And on a personal level, it's more flattering to one's ego to be referred to as a case manager rather than as a receptionist. But that's not the person I want to be.

I want to be secure enough in my identity that it doesn't bother me when people miscall me a receptionist. I want to appreciate receptionists and other people in service jobs and to see them as equally beloved and talented children of God--and then it won't bother me to be called one of them. I want to care more about whether staff and clients can see God's love, compassion, and character through me than what title they choose to call me. I am not there yet--but that is who I want to become, by the grace of God.

Opportunities to Give

Ok, I have a couple of shameless plugs for great opportunities to give :P These are too good NOT to post.

If you are looking for a Mother's Day present that will impact the lives of many moms including your own, consider donating to the nonprofit that I work for, PATH Achieve Glendale. If you give a gift of $25 towards helping homeless moms get back on their feet, PATH Achieve Glendale will send a Mother's Day card to your mom with a note that you have given a gift in their honor. The deadline was initially May 1st but I believe that they are extending it through the weekend, so give now! The website is http://www.achieveglendale.org/main.html

Also, if you have been hearing about all of the swine flu crazyness but are not sure how to respond other than washing your hands a lot and staying away from crowds, Transformación Urbana Internacional in partnership with Servant Partners is working to get face masks, soap, and bleach to marginalized families in Mexico City who cannot afford even these basic hygenic supplies. Check out the details here: http://laurbansnob.blogspot.com/2009/04/swine-flu.html

Endings and New Opportunities

Wow, it has been almost a month since I last posted. Oops!

Probably the most exciting development that I have not posted about is that I will be going to Bangkok, Thailand for two months this summer! I will be staffing one of InterVarsity Christian Fellowship's Global Urban Treks, where college students spend six weeks living and serving among the poor in some of the world's major urban slums. Bangkok is likely going to have two sites for the students--one working with Compassion International, teaching English to the children in their programs, and the other with Baan Chiwit Mai (House of New Life) working with men and women who have physical and mental disabilities. Right now we have seven students that are definitely coming, and I am SO excited for the opportunity to help pastor them through their summer of interactions across cultural and economic lines, in hopes that they might grow more and more fully into understanding the deep compassion of God and his commitment to justice. As a student in college I myself went on a Trek to Calcutta, India, and while the experience was somewhat overwhelming at the time, God really redeemed it and used it to press me into incorporating a greater commitment to justice into my life. Without the Trek, I don't know if I would have ever joined the Servant Partners internship.

Speaking of the internship, we only have a little over a month left. It has been a good ride. I have loved living in the L.A. area--the enormous diversity of food, easy access to beaches, sunny weather, more cultural events than is possible to ever attend in one's life, and on and on. The major downfall has been LA traffic! I have loved having Bible studies and fun nights with junior high girls from my neighborhood and seeing them be able to actually read a text and get something out of it themselves, seeing them begin to have a fuller understanding of what this Jesus is really about--and decide for themselves if they are interested in him. I've loved the chance to intervene in a small, small way for the health of my community and my city--especially for the poor in NW Pasadena. I've loved the community of SP friends and staff--people who are willing to listen to me and pray for me, to feed me hotok for the first time, to be serious as well as silly together. And even though there have been many weeks when I really did not want to go to Luke study or Acts study, I have been deeply impacted by all of the time that we have spent in those Scriptures--some things that I heard in Christianity but never thought much about have become real and alive to me--and that is cool!

I am ready for the internship to end but I will miss it when it is over. And next? That is a great question!

After the Trek I will be spending two weeks in Bangkok to visit various organizations there and see if I might be interested in joining any of them. After the trip I plan to return to Pasadena, continue working at my job, and seek to discern what comes next.

Post-racial is NOT color blind

This is an excerpt from an article that made me think...

"When I was in school, I was a member of the Association for Latin American Students (ALAS), the Indian Student Association (ASHOKA), and the Asian-American Student Association (AAA). I joined them because I wanted to learn and I had friends who encouraged me to get involved. I learned about Diwali and Chinese New Year. I was able to learn because I didn’t feel insecure from the cultural differences. I didn’t feel threatened by these organizations nor did I wish or ask the question of why they existed in the first place. The flavors these people added to my life wouldn’t have happened had the university leadership or student leadership adapted the mindset of assimilation and ‘color-transparency’.

It’s being thrown around that the age of Obama brings this post-racial American time. That may well be, but the misconception lies hard in the definition of what ‘post-racial’ means. Many opinions throw the stipulation of I’m not a racist because I don’t see color. What they fail to realize is that opposite of racism is tolerance, not ignorance.

You don’t tolerate differing opinions by wishing they didn’t exist nor asking why aren’t they more mainstream. We don’t evolve into a better society until we become essentially what Barack is genetically: Both White and Black.

The day you can see a color and say ‘That is pretty cool. I am ok with that’ is the day our society becomes post-racial. To wish racial transparency is nothing more than exuding your own lack of self-identity and desire for the status quo."

http://ybpguide.com/2008/12/22/whats-with-this-whole-black-thing

This story about a white mom and her black daughter hit some of the same notes. I especially like this paragraph:

"People like to talk about being colorblind, about how we're all the same on the inside, that race shouldn't matter. I understand and don't disagree with their intent, but it seems to me that race should matter. Race is part of who we are. If I choose to disregard skin color, mine or my daughter's or anyone else's, I miss out on an integral part of what each of us brings to the table: a deep reservoir of history, culture, and beauty. Perhaps race doesn't fall into the category of qualifications, where it can easily be twisted into prejudice, but rather that of qualities, where it can inform and enrich. "

I certainly agree that I don't want my cultural identity to be simply washed under the table because as a monoracial but bicultural woman, I've found that color-blind usually means doing things the white way, and that does not leave room to encompass the whole of who I am. I want the white AND the Asian parts of me to be acceptable at the table. And I want to learn from, be enriched by, and mourn over the beauty and the pain of the experiences of those from different racial and cultural backgrounds than mine. Yet in the wider world, and especially in the media these days with the election of a biracial president, there is so much talk of seeing "past" race, talk that is coded in other words but the essence of which sounds a lot like a wish to be "color blind." It's so frustrating to hear because I don't think it's helpful to us as individuals or as a nation.

Your thoughts on any of this?

Basketball on the concrete

The favorite sight of my week so far was leaving work yesterday and seeing all of the men staying in our shelter outside playing a pickup basketball game with each other. The thunk of the ball on the concrete and against the backboard, the shouts of the men as they jostled for the ball--if I closed my eyes it could have been in a squatter community in Manila, Philippines or at a park in my own neighborhood in Pasadena.

I also had the privilege today of bringing some of my own clothes that are nice but that I don't wear very often to help out one of our clients who was homeless previously and is now living in transitional housing with her son. She put in a lot of work to become trained as a hairstylist and now with the economy the way that it is, she can't find work. I've dropped off old clothes at a Goodwill before, but that's so different that digging out your nice but rarely used clothes to give to someone that you've met. It gets a wee bit closer to satisfying the conviction of my heart when I read John's words in Luke: If you have two jackets, give one to your neighbor who doesn't have one. Now I still have way more than two jackets, but knowing that some of the clothes that were previously hanging lonely in my closet will now be used by someone who really needs it--it feels like an absolute privilege to be able to give to her.

Job Searching as a Homeless Person

I'm going to steal this link from my friend Mark on the difficulties of finding a job when homeless. It's hard enough for housed folks to find a job right now, but finding one when you are homeless has always been hard.

Road Rage

Before moving to L.A., I always had a vague idea that the only people who had road rage were those with extreme anger management issues. But road rage is a strange phenomenon in L.A.. People always seem to be angry when they are driving. I myself get angry much more easily then I ever did before. I actually almost flipped someone off the other day, which is not like me! The only reason I didn't was for fear of what they might do back. As a friend said the other day about his own road rage encounter, "I was just glad I didn't get shot."
Anger and speed seem to be part of driving culture in this city. People are always in their cars, always on the way to somewhere, and always want to get there as fast as possible. On the freeway on my commute to work, most cars are going between 70-80 miles per hour. The cars going "only" 60 make you crazy because they slow up all the traffic, with people weaving around them. So in a city that's always in a hurry, anything that slows people down even for a few seconds annoys them (I confess I have become guilty as well of this phenomenon).
If you live in LA, what do you think about road rage in the city? If you've visited, did you notice it when you were here?

Trust in the midst of Doubt

"Trusting God does not mean that we will never have questions, doubts, or fears. We cannot simply turn off the natural thoughts and feelings that arise when we face difficult circumstances. Trusting God means that in spite of our questions, doubts, and fears we draw on his grace and continue to believe that he is loving, that he is in control, and that he is always working for our good. Such trust helps us to continue doing what is good and right, even in difficult circumstances."

Taken from The Peacemaker: A Biblical Guide to Resolving Personal Conflict
by Ken Sande, Updated Edition (Grand Rapids, Baker Books, 2003) p. 65

I love this quote because my natural response when I am afraid or have doubts is to beat myself up for lack of faith and to feel shame in approching God because of my perceived lack of faith. But to be afraid, to still have doubts, and to plunge forward on the path that is right, staking my life on the trust that God will come through on his promises, is another kind of response entirely.

A Different Beat

One of my fellow interns in Servant Partners was featured in a promotional video for the Urbana conference!

Living among the Stars

The benefit (?) of living in LA--you run into entertainment stars in the course of every day life. I met Danny Roebuck, shook his hand, and chatted with him for a few minutes one day while working at my job. He was very nice, and he said at the end of our conversation that he sees his daughter growing up to be like me. (!) Of course, being me, I didn't even know he was famous! :P

HPV required?

Today I learned that the HPV vaccine has been made mandatory for immigrant women and girls between 11-26 applying for a visa to enter the USA. This disturbs me. The medical community thinks that this vaccine is safe, but really it hasn't been around long enough to know its long-term effects. It's not mandatory for American women to receive the vaccine, although from all my recent doctor's visits I can tell you that they are sure pushing it. Basically, to me the HPV vaccine seems different than the other infectious disease vaccines that immigrants are required to get, and it doesn't seem like it should be one of the required vaccines. What if France decided that US female citizens couldn't apply to come to France unless they'd been vaccinated for HPV?
If you follow this link, you can learn more about the objections to this newly created requirement and sign the petition if you so desire.
Here's what Angry Asian Man's blog says about it: "Many groups, including NAPAWF [National Asian Pacific American Women's Forum], believe the HPV vaccine should not be required of immigrants because it isn't currently required of U.S. citizens in any jurisdiction, and it's one of the most expensive vaccines on the market, basically making the already huge financial burden that much harder for immigrant women and their families. Shouldn't immigrant women, like all women, have the right to weigh the risks and benefits involved with making a medical decision, such as the HPV vaccine, and make an informed decision for themselves?"
Your thoughts?

Fair Trade Flowers?

I had no idea that issues of fair trade affected the flower market, but it makes sense. With Valentine's Day coming up tomorrow, check this out...http://fairtrade.change.org/blog/view/fairness_in_flowers
It may be too late to plan for this year, but not for the next time you buy flowers. Hmm. I wonder if I can even find fair trade flowers in Pasadena?

Next Quest: Sustainability

Last night at my church small group, I was chatting with a friend when we started comparing strategies for staying awake while driving. Both of us work full time jobs and then come home to invest in relationships with at-risk kids and youth in our low-income neighborhoods. I also spend many evening hours at Servant Partners trainings whereas she doesn't, but she has kids over at her place almost daily until very late at night. Suffice to say, we are both pretty tired! So we laughed and joked about blasting music on the commute to work, turning on the A/C full blast, and sometimes resorting to slapping ourselves in the face to keep focused.

It struck me today, however, as I thought back to our conversation, that this is not a very good thing that we are so tired we have trouble concentrating while driving. I joined the Servant Partners internship because I wanted to learn how to incorporate loving the poor into my life, as Jesus did, and I wanted it to become part of me, part of who I am and how I operate. In many ways, that's taken place. I've received some experience and practical training, and as I consider my future, I am compelled to take into account how to include living out Jesus' call to care for the poor and the oppressed. But I think the next step for my life is to figure out how to do this sustainably, without exhaustion and burnout, and to find a balance that can last--for one's own sake and for modeling a healthy example for the kids and neighborhood. Figuring out a balance that doesn't involve hitting oneself in order to avoid a traffic accident.

It's worse when you don't have a home

I realized this week that I should complain less about having been sick for nearly seven weeks straight. Two homeless women that came into our access center this week were sick, one with a cold and one with the flu. How awful to feel terrible--exhausted, full of snot, feverish--and have to sit for hours, fill out paperwork, and talk to various people to apply for help. How awful to not have a place of one's own to stay home in and a bed of one's own to curl up in. :(

Beautiful Feet

When I hear songs like this one, it reminds me of why I am in L.A. Why I signed on for two years with Servant Partners to live in the city and why I spend my Monday nights with at-risk junior high Latinas. Why learning about Jesus's passion for the poor and oppressed has permanently warped the direction of my life.

Myths about Giving

After working in financial development at the American Red Cross and as an intake case manager at a homeless access center, I have discovered that there are several common myths about giving to nonprofits that may seem true, but are actually quite unhelpful. These come up SO frequently that I felt compelled to address them!

Myth #1: If I give $5, $1, or 50 cents to a nonprofit, it's all good because it doesn't cost me much and it still adds up to benefit them.
False! If you give that little to an agency, it will cost them MORE to process the donation, cross-check the information, and send you a thank you than your donation is actually worth. Think about it: the stamp alone is 42 cents! You are actually causing your beloved nonprofit to LOSE money processing your donation. The bigger chunks of $ you give, the more money actually goes to the cause that you believe in, because each donation takes relatively the same amount of time (and therefore money) to process. Since working in the donations section of the Red Cross, I no longer give less than $20 at a time. My coworker, who has been working there longer, doesn't give in smaller increments than $50. Can't afford to give that much? Pool your money with friends or family members, do the work of combining the money on your end, and send the donation with one check or credit card. Holding a penny drive for an organization? Do the work of taking all those pennies to the bank yourself to get a cashier's check that you can take to the agency, instead of wasting some staff member's time making them count ridiculous numbers of pennies (oh yes, I have had to do this). If you give tiny amounts of money, the only one that will benefit is you, because you will feel good but nothing will actually be accomplished with your gift.

Myth #2: I hate to throw away my stained & ripped clothes or my broken appliances, so if I donate them, someone can make use of them.
False! Homeless shelters are NOT your local trash removal service! If your clothes are stained or ripped, throw them away or use them as rags around your house. I also used to hate to throw anything away that could possibly be useful, but honestly, staff at homeless shelters do not have time to mend your stuff. Same goes for broken TVs, breadmakers, computer monitors, etc. Trash those items yourself, because if you donate them, they are going to go into the trash anyway. Or find businesses that specialize in rebuilding old computers, for example, and take your applicable items directly to them. Give away your nice clothes, your homemade scarves, your coats, and remember to make sure they are CLEAN. Remember, homeless men and women need to go to job interviews and such too, and wearing your ripped tshirt is not going to help them out.

Myth #3: But I LOVE your organization! Why are you rejecting my [clothes, broken TV, insert whatever item you like]? I don't want to give to any other organization; I want to support YOU!
False! Umm, allow me to point out that if you truly want to support an organization, you will find out what is actually helpful to them instead of imposing what you think is helpful. A particular homeless shelter may not happen to accept clothing donations, but perhaps they need help with a new sock drive for their clients, or they need a new microwave, or they could use sugar for their shelter, or they have homeless children that could use tutoring or a game night. Ask what needs they have, and then try to address those needs. Of course it is worth trying to find a second home for the items that you have and no longer need--that's practicing sustainability and generousity--but if a place turns you down, stop harassing them to accept your stuff and find someone or someplace that it will actually be useful for! Or call various agencies to find out what kind of donations they accept so that when something does come along that you want to give away, you know who it will actually benefit.

Anyone have more myths about giving that they want to address?

Many nonprofits could not survive without the kindness and generousity of their doners, but if you really want to be a giver who makes a difference--who TRULY makes a difference instead of just making yourself feel good--try to remember the truth about these three myths. And good luck with your giving!! :)

my life: the story of God's faithfulness

When I look back over 2008, one of the defining phrases that comes to mind is God’s faithfulness. 2008 had some very difficult patches. Working at the Red Cross was draining because it didn’t connect with any of my interests, and depressing because I had been job searching for so long for a permanent position and couldn’t find one. Adjusting to my new job at the homeless access center has been emotionally exhausting and even still seven months into the job, I sometimes hit very rough patches. Added onto that all of the relational difficulties that strained my living situation during the start of winter, and there were times when I felt literally sick with worry every moment I was awake.

But I don’t mean for this to be a depressing litany of woes. Rather, when I look back at the year, what stands out as even brighter than the dark times is God’s persistent faithfulness through it all. When I couldn’t find a permanent job, he was faithfully teaching me that my worth isn’t from my work, but from my identity as his beloved daughter. When I went through periods of feeling very attacked at work, he provided me with friends to pray with me and comfort me and gave them verses from his Word to encourage me. When I hit the lowest point at all with one of my closest friendships in L.A., and it looked like in human terms that the ship was on fire and sinking, he gave me the story about Jesus calming the storm as a promise to cling onto. I am not a big fan of suffering, but I have truly found that when I come to the end of myself, God has never dropped me. It’s only when things have been outside my own control that I have learned more about God’s faithfulness and trustworthiness.

Our intern class is reading the book of Acts right now as well as The Heavenly Man, an autobiography of a leader in China’s house church movement. When I read their stories, I wonder how they could respond to the threat of death, to intense persecution and torture, and to terrifying situations by praising God. What? That makes no sense. But when I think about the many times this year that I have cried out to God in desperation and seen his faithfulness come through, even when it doesn’t necessarily look like I want it to or mean the removal of all suffering, I’m filled with thankfulness to God as well. I’m still wrestling with what it means to trust in God and in his promises of protection if great pain is not kept from us, but I am hopeful that as I continue to read the stories of those who have walked a much more difficult road, it will help me along the journey.

"We must go through many hardships to enter the kingdom of God" Acts 14:22b
“We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body.” II Corinthians 4:8-10

Ps. I want to share a story about God’s faithfulness that even happened these last couple weeks! It was my turn to lead the Bible study for the junior high girls, and it was two hours before the study and I had no idea what to talk about. I decided that before picking a random passage, perhaps it might be a good idea to actually ask God if there was anything that the girls particularly needed to hear. As I listened quietly, a very difficult week that I’d recently had at work came to mind, and I began to think about how my experience might be helpful to them. I opened up the Bible to the book of Luke and came to a passage about worry. Immediately, even though that wasn’t the major feature of my own hard week, I felt like that’s what we needed to talk about. So when study time came around, I shared what of my experience connected with worry, and then we read the part where Jesus talks about don’t worry, because your heavenly Daddy takes care of even the sparrows and how much more precious are you to him than birds. And we read the verse about not worrying, but talking to God about our troubles when they come. The girls are not usually super expressive about study, but they really engaged with the text, and afterwards one of the girls came up and hugged me twice. She told me “thank you” over and over and said that she had been having a lot of worry about her grades, because she is doing so poorly in school. I encouraged her that when she felt worried, she could talk to God about it anytime anywhere. But how amazing is that—that God knew exactly what was going on for her this week and wanted to speak to her about it?!! My own faith is so encouraged when I see God answer prayers and personally deal with us right where we are at.

Precarious positions for nonprofits

My work made the news! (although not for a great reason)
One of the awful things about a recession/depression is that at the same time as individuals and families are going through hard times and losing their jobs and shelter, state and federal budgets are also being slashed. So that means that for non-profits, not only are donations from individuals down, but the government aid they receives is drastically cut at the very time as more and more people need help. Demand skyrockets while supply is stuck at a stagnant level or even forced to decrease. :( Help your friends, help your neighbors, help your family--don't leave it to the systems to take care of them during these times.