As I was taking two of the junior high girls home last night...
"Jenny, you drive fast. But not as fast as Hilary!" (as my coleader zooms by us)
Oops! So much for being driving role models! Kids notice the littlest things. :P
Thursday, June 4, 2009
Sunday, May 17, 2009
Commitment
Some days I am beginning to wonder if grown-up life is all about commitments. I committed to a collage for four years. Then I committed to the Servant Partners internship for two years. Now that the internship is coming to an end, and I am looking at other organizations that I might want to work with overseas, they all seem to require some kind of 2-5 year commitment. I'm currently thinking about a rooming situation with someone that would require committing to staying in Pasadena a year. And marriage and kids, both future hopes, are both lifelong commitments.
I am feeling a little commitment-phobic coming out of the internship. Maybe it's because I like to be sure when I commit to something, especially when it involves multiple years of my life. And I feel like there are so many pieces of my life and what I want that I don't have clarity about right now. Is it ok to have stages in one's adult life with minimal commitments and a lot of freedom to explore? Or is adulthood just a series of transitions from one commitment to another?
Should I take some time and space to be uncommitted, or is that simply creating dead space in my life and refusing to engage with reality? Am I simply burned out from the internship or is this the emergence of some kind of latent third culture kid issue about being unable to be decisive, commit, and settle down for fear of whatever other options may be closed off by doing so? Sigh.
I am feeling a little commitment-phobic coming out of the internship. Maybe it's because I like to be sure when I commit to something, especially when it involves multiple years of my life. And I feel like there are so many pieces of my life and what I want that I don't have clarity about right now. Is it ok to have stages in one's adult life with minimal commitments and a lot of freedom to explore? Or is adulthood just a series of transitions from one commitment to another?
Should I take some time and space to be uncommitted, or is that simply creating dead space in my life and refusing to engage with reality? Am I simply burned out from the internship or is this the emergence of some kind of latent third culture kid issue about being unable to be decisive, commit, and settle down for fear of whatever other options may be closed off by doing so? Sigh.
Friday, May 15, 2009
Work Status
I have been reflecting lately on the issue of status in the workplace. It really bothers me when people call me a "receptionist," or talk down to me, or insist that I get another staff member for them to talk with instead of me. "I'm the Intake Case Manager," I emphasize, when someone calls me the receptionist. Even our Exec Director introduced me to a possible funder today as "the person who answers the phones." :(
But what these little trigger spots have done for me is to open my eyes up to how much my status at work matters to me. I know that the corporate world would probably say to brand oneself as positively and as importantly as possible, in order to advance one's career and one's own interests. And on a personal level, it's more flattering to one's ego to be referred to as a case manager rather than as a receptionist. But that's not the person I want to be.
I want to be secure enough in my identity that it doesn't bother me when people miscall me a receptionist. I want to appreciate receptionists and other people in service jobs and to see them as equally beloved and talented children of God--and then it won't bother me to be called one of them. I want to care more about whether staff and clients can see God's love, compassion, and character through me than what title they choose to call me. I am not there yet--but that is who I want to become, by the grace of God.
But what these little trigger spots have done for me is to open my eyes up to how much my status at work matters to me. I know that the corporate world would probably say to brand oneself as positively and as importantly as possible, in order to advance one's career and one's own interests. And on a personal level, it's more flattering to one's ego to be referred to as a case manager rather than as a receptionist. But that's not the person I want to be.
I want to be secure enough in my identity that it doesn't bother me when people miscall me a receptionist. I want to appreciate receptionists and other people in service jobs and to see them as equally beloved and talented children of God--and then it won't bother me to be called one of them. I want to care more about whether staff and clients can see God's love, compassion, and character through me than what title they choose to call me. I am not there yet--but that is who I want to become, by the grace of God.
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Opportunities to Give
Ok, I have a couple of shameless plugs for great opportunities to give :P These are too good NOT to post.
If you are looking for a Mother's Day present that will impact the lives of many moms including your own, consider donating to the nonprofit that I work for, PATH Achieve Glendale. If you give a gift of $25 towards helping homeless moms get back on their feet, PATH Achieve Glendale will send a Mother's Day card to your mom with a note that you have given a gift in their honor. The deadline was initially May 1st but I believe that they are extending it through the weekend, so give now! The website is http://www.achieveglendale.org/main.html
Also, if you have been hearing about all of the swine flu crazyness but are not sure how to respond other than washing your hands a lot and staying away from crowds, Transformación Urbana Internacional in partnership with Servant Partners is working to get face masks, soap, and bleach to marginalized families in Mexico City who cannot afford even these basic hygenic supplies. Check out the details here: http://laurbansnob.blogspot.com/2009/04/swine-flu.html
If you are looking for a Mother's Day present that will impact the lives of many moms including your own, consider donating to the nonprofit that I work for, PATH Achieve Glendale. If you give a gift of $25 towards helping homeless moms get back on their feet, PATH Achieve Glendale will send a Mother's Day card to your mom with a note that you have given a gift in their honor. The deadline was initially May 1st but I believe that they are extending it through the weekend, so give now! The website is http://www.achieveglendale.org/main.html
Also, if you have been hearing about all of the swine flu crazyness but are not sure how to respond other than washing your hands a lot and staying away from crowds, Transformación Urbana Internacional in partnership with Servant Partners is working to get face masks, soap, and bleach to marginalized families in Mexico City who cannot afford even these basic hygenic supplies. Check out the details here: http://laurbansnob.blogspot.com/2009/04/swine-flu.html
Monday, April 20, 2009
Endings and New Opportunities
Wow, it has been almost a month since I last posted. Oops!
Probably the most exciting development that I have not posted about is that I will be going to Bangkok, Thailand for two months this summer! I will be staffing one of InterVarsity Christian Fellowship's Global Urban Treks, where college students spend six weeks living and serving among the poor in some of the world's major urban slums. Bangkok is likely going to have two sites for the students--one working with Compassion International, teaching English to the children in their programs, and the other with Baan Chiwit Mai (House of New Life) working with men and women who have physical and mental disabilities. Right now we have seven students that are definitely coming, and I am SO excited for the opportunity to help pastor them through their summer of interactions across cultural and economic lines, in hopes that they might grow more and more fully into understanding the deep compassion of God and his commitment to justice. As a student in college I myself went on a Trek to Calcutta, India, and while the experience was somewhat overwhelming at the time, God really redeemed it and used it to press me into incorporating a greater commitment to justice into my life. Without the Trek, I don't know if I would have ever joined the Servant Partners internship.
Speaking of the internship, we only have a little over a month left. It has been a good ride. I have loved living in the L.A. area--the enormous diversity of food, easy access to beaches, sunny weather, more cultural events than is possible to ever attend in one's life, and on and on. The major downfall has been LA traffic! I have loved having Bible studies and fun nights with junior high girls from my neighborhood and seeing them be able to actually read a text and get something out of it themselves, seeing them begin to have a fuller understanding of what this Jesus is really about--and decide for themselves if they are interested in him. I've loved the chance to intervene in a small, small way for the health of my community and my city--especially for the poor in NW Pasadena. I've loved the community of SP friends and staff--people who are willing to listen to me and pray for me, to feed me hotok for the first time, to be serious as well as silly together. And even though there have been many weeks when I really did not want to go to Luke study or Acts study, I have been deeply impacted by all of the time that we have spent in those Scriptures--some things that I heard in Christianity but never thought much about have become real and alive to me--and that is cool!
I am ready for the internship to end but I will miss it when it is over. And next? That is a great question!
After the Trek I will be spending two weeks in Bangkok to visit various organizations there and see if I might be interested in joining any of them. After the trip I plan to return to Pasadena, continue working at my job, and seek to discern what comes next.
Probably the most exciting development that I have not posted about is that I will be going to Bangkok, Thailand for two months this summer! I will be staffing one of InterVarsity Christian Fellowship's Global Urban Treks, where college students spend six weeks living and serving among the poor in some of the world's major urban slums. Bangkok is likely going to have two sites for the students--one working with Compassion International, teaching English to the children in their programs, and the other with Baan Chiwit Mai (House of New Life) working with men and women who have physical and mental disabilities. Right now we have seven students that are definitely coming, and I am SO excited for the opportunity to help pastor them through their summer of interactions across cultural and economic lines, in hopes that they might grow more and more fully into understanding the deep compassion of God and his commitment to justice. As a student in college I myself went on a Trek to Calcutta, India, and while the experience was somewhat overwhelming at the time, God really redeemed it and used it to press me into incorporating a greater commitment to justice into my life. Without the Trek, I don't know if I would have ever joined the Servant Partners internship.
Speaking of the internship, we only have a little over a month left. It has been a good ride. I have loved living in the L.A. area--the enormous diversity of food, easy access to beaches, sunny weather, more cultural events than is possible to ever attend in one's life, and on and on. The major downfall has been LA traffic! I have loved having Bible studies and fun nights with junior high girls from my neighborhood and seeing them be able to actually read a text and get something out of it themselves, seeing them begin to have a fuller understanding of what this Jesus is really about--and decide for themselves if they are interested in him. I've loved the chance to intervene in a small, small way for the health of my community and my city--especially for the poor in NW Pasadena. I've loved the community of SP friends and staff--people who are willing to listen to me and pray for me, to feed me hotok for the first time, to be serious as well as silly together. And even though there have been many weeks when I really did not want to go to Luke study or Acts study, I have been deeply impacted by all of the time that we have spent in those Scriptures--some things that I heard in Christianity but never thought much about have become real and alive to me--and that is cool!
I am ready for the internship to end but I will miss it when it is over. And next? That is a great question!
After the Trek I will be spending two weeks in Bangkok to visit various organizations there and see if I might be interested in joining any of them. After the trip I plan to return to Pasadena, continue working at my job, and seek to discern what comes next.
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Post-racial is NOT color blind
This is an excerpt from an article that made me think...
"When I was in school, I was a member of the Association for Latin American Students (ALAS), the Indian Student Association (ASHOKA), and the Asian-American Student Association (AAA). I joined them because I wanted to learn and I had friends who encouraged me to get involved. I learned about Diwali and Chinese New Year. I was able to learn because I didn’t feel insecure from the cultural differences. I didn’t feel threatened by these organizations nor did I wish or ask the question of why they existed in the first place. The flavors these people added to my life wouldn’t have happened had the university leadership or student leadership adapted the mindset of assimilation and ‘color-transparency’.
It’s being thrown around that the age of Obama brings this post-racial American time. That may well be, but the misconception lies hard in the definition of what ‘post-racial’ means. Many opinions throw the stipulation of I’m not a racist because I don’t see color. What they fail to realize is that opposite of racism is tolerance, not ignorance.
You don’t tolerate differing opinions by wishing they didn’t exist nor asking why aren’t they more mainstream. We don’t evolve into a better society until we become essentially what Barack is genetically: Both White and Black.
The day you can see a color and say ‘That is pretty cool. I am ok with that’ is the day our society becomes post-racial. To wish racial transparency is nothing more than exuding your own lack of self-identity and desire for the status quo."
http://ybpguide.com/2008/12/22/whats-with-this-whole-black-thing
This story about a white mom and her black daughter hit some of the same notes. I especially like this paragraph:
"People like to talk about being colorblind, about how we're all the same on the inside, that race shouldn't matter. I understand and don't disagree with their intent, but it seems to me that race should matter. Race is part of who we are. If I choose to disregard skin color, mine or my daughter's or anyone else's, I miss out on an integral part of what each of us brings to the table: a deep reservoir of history, culture, and beauty. Perhaps race doesn't fall into the category of qualifications, where it can easily be twisted into prejudice, but rather that of qualities, where it can inform and enrich. "
I certainly agree that I don't want my cultural identity to be simply washed under the table because as a monoracial but bicultural woman, I've found that color-blind usually means doing things the white way, and that does not leave room to encompass the whole of who I am. I want the white AND the Asian parts of me to be acceptable at the table. And I want to learn from, be enriched by, and mourn over the beauty and the pain of the experiences of those from different racial and cultural backgrounds than mine. Yet in the wider world, and especially in the media these days with the election of a biracial president, there is so much talk of seeing "past" race, talk that is coded in other words but the essence of which sounds a lot like a wish to be "color blind." It's so frustrating to hear because I don't think it's helpful to us as individuals or as a nation.
Your thoughts on any of this?
"When I was in school, I was a member of the Association for Latin American Students (ALAS), the Indian Student Association (ASHOKA), and the Asian-American Student Association (AAA). I joined them because I wanted to learn and I had friends who encouraged me to get involved. I learned about Diwali and Chinese New Year. I was able to learn because I didn’t feel insecure from the cultural differences. I didn’t feel threatened by these organizations nor did I wish or ask the question of why they existed in the first place. The flavors these people added to my life wouldn’t have happened had the university leadership or student leadership adapted the mindset of assimilation and ‘color-transparency’.
It’s being thrown around that the age of Obama brings this post-racial American time. That may well be, but the misconception lies hard in the definition of what ‘post-racial’ means. Many opinions throw the stipulation of I’m not a racist because I don’t see color. What they fail to realize is that opposite of racism is tolerance, not ignorance.
You don’t tolerate differing opinions by wishing they didn’t exist nor asking why aren’t they more mainstream. We don’t evolve into a better society until we become essentially what Barack is genetically: Both White and Black.
The day you can see a color and say ‘That is pretty cool. I am ok with that’ is the day our society becomes post-racial. To wish racial transparency is nothing more than exuding your own lack of self-identity and desire for the status quo."
http://ybpguide.com/2008/12/22/whats-with-this-whole-black-thing
This story about a white mom and her black daughter hit some of the same notes. I especially like this paragraph:
"People like to talk about being colorblind, about how we're all the same on the inside, that race shouldn't matter. I understand and don't disagree with their intent, but it seems to me that race should matter. Race is part of who we are. If I choose to disregard skin color, mine or my daughter's or anyone else's, I miss out on an integral part of what each of us brings to the table: a deep reservoir of history, culture, and beauty. Perhaps race doesn't fall into the category of qualifications, where it can easily be twisted into prejudice, but rather that of qualities, where it can inform and enrich. "
I certainly agree that I don't want my cultural identity to be simply washed under the table because as a monoracial but bicultural woman, I've found that color-blind usually means doing things the white way, and that does not leave room to encompass the whole of who I am. I want the white AND the Asian parts of me to be acceptable at the table. And I want to learn from, be enriched by, and mourn over the beauty and the pain of the experiences of those from different racial and cultural backgrounds than mine. Yet in the wider world, and especially in the media these days with the election of a biracial president, there is so much talk of seeing "past" race, talk that is coded in other words but the essence of which sounds a lot like a wish to be "color blind." It's so frustrating to hear because I don't think it's helpful to us as individuals or as a nation.
Your thoughts on any of this?
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Basketball on the concrete
The favorite sight of my week so far was leaving work yesterday and seeing all of the men staying in our shelter outside playing a pickup basketball game with each other. The thunk of the ball on the concrete and against the backboard, the shouts of the men as they jostled for the ball--if I closed my eyes it could have been in a squatter community in Manila, Philippines or at a park in my own neighborhood in Pasadena.
I also had the privilege today of bringing some of my own clothes that are nice but that I don't wear very often to help out one of our clients who was homeless previously and is now living in transitional housing with her son. She put in a lot of work to become trained as a hairstylist and now with the economy the way that it is, she can't find work. I've dropped off old clothes at a Goodwill before, but that's so different that digging out your nice but rarely used clothes to give to someone that you've met. It gets a wee bit closer to satisfying the conviction of my heart when I read John's words in Luke: If you have two jackets, give one to your neighbor who doesn't have one. Now I still have way more than two jackets, but knowing that some of the clothes that were previously hanging lonely in my closet will now be used by someone who really needs it--it feels like an absolute privilege to be able to give to her.
I also had the privilege today of bringing some of my own clothes that are nice but that I don't wear very often to help out one of our clients who was homeless previously and is now living in transitional housing with her son. She put in a lot of work to become trained as a hairstylist and now with the economy the way that it is, she can't find work. I've dropped off old clothes at a Goodwill before, but that's so different that digging out your nice but rarely used clothes to give to someone that you've met. It gets a wee bit closer to satisfying the conviction of my heart when I read John's words in Luke: If you have two jackets, give one to your neighbor who doesn't have one. Now I still have way more than two jackets, but knowing that some of the clothes that were previously hanging lonely in my closet will now be used by someone who really needs it--it feels like an absolute privilege to be able to give to her.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
