Huh

I always knew that there were a lot of transexual boys/men in Thailand (there's a word for them: "kateuys") and wasn't thrown off by seeing them around, but I've never heard of this before. Huh.
Not sure what I think in general, but the plus is that the kateuys won't be uncomfortable using the men's restroom, and the girls won't be uncomfortable with having kateuys with them in the women's restroom.

Transition at Work

Today, one of my coworkers turned in her two week notice and another announced that she is pregnant. Wow. I understand why the first is leaving--the stability of our jobs here is still up in the air and the job that she is leaving for is a better fit--but it's still sad. She's always been very kind to me. And the coworker who is pregnant is the one I work most closely with, so I have 7-8 months to learn how to do everything she does now!! Ack!

Poverty and obesity

This article on L.A.'s city council banning new fast food restaurants in South L.A. (one of the poorest areas of L.A.) for 1 year reminded me of how true it is that poverty and obesity are often linked in the States. When there are limited supermarkets in your area and the ones that are there offer fewer selections of fresh fruits and vegetables (which cost more than beans and rice anyway), when fast food restaurants proliferate and are often the most affordable food, when you have to eat out of cans because you can't cook because you've lost your gas or lost your home...your health and weight suffer. Thankfully in NW Pasadena, the Food 4 Less and the King's Ranch (Latino focused supermarket) in our neighborhood have a decent selection of vegetables and fruits, though they are still more expensive than boxed food. But then of course, I have the financial resources and the car to drive to Trader Joe's or whatever upscale grocery stores I want to if I can't find what I'm looking for, and some of my neighbors don't.

Poverty is dang costly. :(

5.4 Earthquake

So exciting, I just experienced my first earthquake today at around noon! It was so weird; I could see the walls swaying. Thankfully nothing at the office fell over. I think we were fairly far from the epicenter. The pictures from other places in L.A. are a bit of a different story, however. I'm not sure what I'll find when I get home; hopefully everything will still be on the shelves.

The thing that concerns me is the massive earthquake that is all but certain to hit L.A. anytime between now and the next 30 years. If people are freaking out over this one, will they/we be prepared if that one hits? Perhaps it's time to actually take some of those earthquake preparedness steps I learned about while working at the Red Cross. :P

Ewww

Diamante and I found a tiny worm on a plate in the cupboard today. Then one on the counter. Then on the wall. I confess this was not one of my good moments of identifying with the poor. After I'd found five or six in different places in the same area of our kitchen, I freaked out. After some investigation and worm squishing, we finally traced it to the bag of rice in the top part of the cupboard. When I looked inside, it looked like the rice was moving, there were so many worms. I had this moment of angst where I internally considered how so many people in the world would have to sift the worms out of this rice because they needed it too much to throw away--and for a flash I contemplated doing the same thing, because they have to. But my worm squeamishness won out, and we threw away 1/3 of a bag of rice, plus two potatoes and an onion that had been contaminated. So depressing. To what lengths should identification with the poor go, when "the poor" are in such different situations depending on whether you are living in a black neighborhood in Los Angeles, a squatter settlement in Manila, or amidst the overwhelming poverty of Kolkata? If the poor around me would throw away the rice, but the poor elsewhere in the world would eat it out of necessity, what should I do? Sigh. Incarnational living and justice are messy things to work out.

Tidbits from the Weekend

I got to go see a free outdoor performance of the Taming of the Shrew this weekend with a friend. It's been my favorite Shakespeare play ever since Ms. Wallace made us read the play aloud in class in high school. I got to be Kate, and in that moment, the play came alive for me. I love Kate's spunk and the verbal banter between her and Petruchio, two equals in passion, wit, and energy. Haven't quite figured out what to do with the ending of the play, but nevertheless I still love it.

On another random note, a friend sent me this awesome song, which I am posting here in tribute to all of my fellow Jennifers, Jens and Jennys out there! :) The artist made a music video that goes with it, but like most music videos, it's a little weird so I'm not linking to that here.

Tired

I'd been planning to call up the junior high girls and invite them over to hang out this afternoon. It looked like a perfect arrangement. Diamante was going to be gone with other friends and I had nothing else scheduled between church and the Servant Partners new staff welcome dinner in Pomona this evening. Some friends were going to be playing ultimate Frisbee and I was seriously tempted to join them, but I thought that I should put the girls first. My goal for the summer was to do something with them at least once a week and that has certainly not taken place, so here was a free afternoon and I intended to spend it with them.

But then we left church late after talking to the folks visiting from Thailand and by the time I'd gotten home, eaten lunch, and said bye to Dia, it was already 2:30 pm. And I felt tired. So tired. I sat there and wrestled with whether or not I had enough energy to call up the girls, go pick them all up, and host them at my place--and with whether it mattered that I was tired or if this was one of those "die to oneself" moments for the good of someone else. I decided not to make a clear decision (thereby making one of those decisions that becomes a "no" in the absence of any concrete action) and zoned out by checking on several blogs I read. Then I came across Erika Haub's blogpost on the need for persistence in continuing to extend oneself in blessing others. Oooh. I was convicted. I picked up my cell phone, decided who I was calling first, and hit the dial button. While I was on the phone with her, however, the weight of my weariness hit me and I just couldn't convince myself to instigate a get-together. Instead, I told her the details of the trip to Six Flags that Dia and I are planning for the girls this coming Saturday, and asked her to find out from her parents if she could go. I called the other girls to give them a head's up about the trip as well, and told them I was looking forward to getting together with them soon.

I still can't decide if I should have invited them all over anyway, or if it's ok to recognize that I'm tired and to choose to give myself a break. Probably this is one of those things that isn't an absolute for all times, but depends on the situation. Which is why I am so grateful for grace, that covers over the multitudes of mistakes I make in misinterpreting or failing to follow through with the best decision.

So here I am, trying to figure out what I can drink that will keep me awake for the dinner this evening and the driving to and from. Or perhaps I shall just curl up on this couch and take a nap.

It's (Sometimes) a Small World After All

Diamante and I are back to looking for a church again. We still haven't found a church family within which to plant ourselves in Pasadena. In some ways, I feel like finding a church is a little bit like finding someone to date: no one (person, community, church) is perfect, so how do you figure out what flaws you can live with and which ones you really shouldn't? Except that dating someone is optional (thank goodness!) but finding a community within which to pursue your faith is not really optional. So, onwards the hunt goes.

It just so happened that the church we visited this morning had a missionary couple and a Thai Christian couple visiting--all of whom live and work around Chiang Mai, Thailand, which is where I went to high school! The Thai couple gave the morning message and then I met them and the missionary couple afterwards and talked with them briefly. It was really inspiring to me to hear the Thai couple share their vision for seeing Thai people encounter Jesus in ways that culturally and relationally make sense and for training younger Thai leaders to help people grow in learning how to walk out their faith. And it was crazy to hear about how many people have started walking out lives as Jesus followers through their work. In the experience of most people I know, Thailand is not a place with amazing results in that area, so when I heard them talking about their work, my ears perked up and I wanted to follow them around so that I could see and experience what on earth they are doing that actually works. This is what Thailand really needs: Thai people who love Jesus and his transforming power for individuals and communities, and who have a passion for seeing their people encounter Jesus in uniquely Thai ways.

Sometimes I wish that God would give me a clear call to go back to Thailand, because I miss a lot of things about the country and the culture, but he hasn't done that at this point. I don't feel a lot of clarity about going anywhere, except that I want to go some place international again. Part of me wishes I could just go several places that strike my interest and spend a year or two in each place seeing what God would do. I'd go to Marseilles, France, and see what Jesus is doing in immigrant communities there--and work on my French at the same time! I'd go back to some place urban in Thailand and take a stab at learning how to love people and do holistic community development there. I'd go somewhere else in Asia to see if I fell in love with the country and people I was living with. My problem with the world is not that there are too few options, but that there are too many!

Solitude

This morning I woke up and the house was empty, as my roommate had taken off to have a sabbath day away. I'd been looking forward to having a day to rest, but waking up on the day of, I felt somewhat bereft and lost. I wandered into my living room unsure what to do with myself. Lots of chores popped into my mind, but I found that I wasn't sure how to just be. I immediately wanted to fill up the space with journaling or music or reading...all of which are good and restful things, but are all still doing and not simply being. So today was a bit of an experiment with solitude and learning how to be.

I sat on the couch and looked out the window for a while, ate breakfast, pulled out the guitar and played for a while, and read the first chapter of Barton's book Invitation to Solitude and Silence, then sat in silence for a while. Barton says that she thinks silence is one of the least experienced spiritual disciplines among modern evangelical Christians. She also says that desperation and desire are two things that drew her to seek God in the uncharted territory of solitude and quiet, away from the never-ending hum of people and activities and work. So true. In this season of my life, I am really longing for an intimacy with God that I don't have right now. I am also desperate for him to fill my soul with what I need to make it. My soul feels like a drowning person clutching frantically at the surface for air, like a starving person crawling, snatching, clawing. Daddy God, I want you. I need you. If that takes learning how to be alone with just you, how to practice the disciplines of solitude and silence, help me to learn.

"Here we sit our souls down and wait for that which comes from beyond ourselves. Here we give into desperation and desire until God comes to us and does for us what we cannot do for ourselves."

hard times

Working with people who are at the end of their rope is rough. I've had two clients leave the office crying today and it's not even halfway through the day.

Voices from outside the bubble

I've been reflecting some on how the blessing of growing up with an international perspective carries with it the responsibility to be an alternative voice, to bring up different ways of viewing situations and the world. I'm not always very good at speaking up, or speaking up with love and humility, or staying educated and informed as to what's happening outside the USA bubble (oh yes, it is a bubble) and how those outside are interpreting those events.

So on that note, I was reading a blog post on God's Politics about a meeting with four Iraqi evangelical Iraqis and their perspectives on current events. I wish that the writer had quoted them more extensively so that we had a fuller picture of their views from their own mouths, but nevertheless it was an interesting enough article that I decided to link to it here.

Listen, Lord

Listen, Lord - A Prayer

O Lord, we come this morning
Knee-bowed and body-bent
Before thy throne of grace.
O Lord -- this morning --
Bow our hearts beneath our knees,
And our knees in the lonesome valley.
We come this morning --
Like empty pitchers to a full fountain,
With no merits of our own.
O Lord -- open up a new window of heaven
And lean out far over the battlements of glory
And listen this morning.

--James Weldon Johnson

Like empty pitchers to a full fountain--I love that image. Splash down, Spirit water, all over us, til full and overflowing.

the uphill journey

I was reading a blog post by Eugene Cho and the resulting blog conversation about the "uphill journey" to distribute leadership and influence among women and people of color in the church as fully and equally as for men and white people. A couple of comments from the blog conversation really resonated with me, so I'll just quote them here...

"I don’t have things figured out. I don’t know when to stand up and fight for myself, and when to wait for others to stand up for me. or if either of those options reflect Jesus. I’m a part of a denom that supports women in min, but it’s still hard, frustrating and i often want to hit my head against a brick wall… Because for the most part our system does give the advantage to white men. So while part of it is structure, part of it is us. I feel as women we need to step up and lead, inspire, share our stories, mentor the next generation of young women, ask to speak, get educated on this issue, listen, ask questions, keep advancing the Kingdom, discover your gifts, talents, passions-get what you need then do it and let’s have tough conversations with people out who are not valuing God’s creation and His story, but let’s do it with relentless love. maybe i’m crazy…"
--stacey

"A few years ago I was with a group of women talking with Dan Allender (President of Mars Hill Grad School) about women and the church. I said something like, its hard to talk about this issue without coming across like or being accused of having an agenda. Dan looked me square in the face and said, “you do have an agenda” to which I replied, “no I really don’t have an agenda.” His reply back, “the sooner you own that you have an agenda for biblical equality for women the more you will be able to use your voice.” He went on to say, “every time I get up to speak, I have an agenda, every public speaker does, but as a male that ’s not what I am accused of, it doesn’t even come into play.” I realized in that moment that whenever I had the opportunity to champion the cause of women for equality, I would use my voice. I do not want to come off as bitter, passionate yes, bitter no."
--Rose

Hooray for federal holidays

This weekend I had a wonderful time enjoying different friends' company. One of the couples in Northwest Neighbors hosted a BBQ on 4th of July and I ran into two of the junior high girls there. Afterwards my roommate and I took the girls to sit outside the Rose Bowl and watch what I hear is the largest fireworks show in So. Cal. It was beautiful! Then Saturday I went to the beach with some Servant Partners friends and we had a BBQ on the beach, got soaked in the intense waves, and built a sandcastle with all kinds of fortifications attempting to keep out the water. We had a blast. :) Here's an awesome video my roomie took of the water taking over our castle while we are sitting inside the walls.

Thoughts on work

My job is going fairly well so far. I'm enjoying getting to know my coworkers better, and in any job where you work with people, every day presents slightly different scenarios to work with. I'm hoping that I'll receive more training soon to keep my work at the front desk from becoming boring.

Working with homeless folks is interesting. As one of my coworkers told me, everyone comes in feeling like they are in crisis, but you can't take on their crises as your crisis. You have to stay calm, take your lunch breaks on time, do your best to help them but not get worked up in the process. I have a lot to learn from my coworkers about how they've found sustainability in the kind of work that they do, and how they've managed to remain unjaded and still believing that what they do makes a difference.

One hard part of the job is that I witness a lot of bad parenting, because parents and kids are either exhausted and at the end of their patience or the parents never really had good parenting skills in the first place (especially if the parents have mental health issues). This is particularly marked by lots of threats, not as much yelling because they are conscious of the staff's presence but definitely raised voices. It stresses me out.

It has been really cool to see how much our clients try to help each other out. People will give each other tips as to where to find food, what businesses are hiring, where the library is and what time it has its preschool program, etc.

My favorite work moment so far was on Thursday when a couple staff members were discussing the state of homelessness in Glendale and one of my coworkers said that it would be "more worse" without our agency. "More worse?" I asked him. "Uh, worser?" he said. Our other coworker and I broke down in laughter and proceeded to tease him mercilessly.

Remember, if you are having a bad day, things could always be more worser. :)